so i bought this coconut right, i did it in a moment of impulse.. passion... wimsy.. i saw it, lying there at 1am in asda with all it's mates not doing much and my head shot back to more innocent times of coconut shys (shy? shigh? shuy-aye?) and novelty fruit & nuts and a grabbed it.. smiled to myself and wheeled along riding the back of my trolly full of salads and stuff
this was 7 days ago and i haven't yet found the right occasion to open it.. i feel something that is that much of a challenge to eat should be given some kind of ceremony, the opening of the nut should be, at very least, a blog worthy event (is blog worthy the 21st century version of.. 'something to write home about?' i think maybe it is
anyway, that is an aside.. a teaser if you will, for future reading... it's what tv quick would write in the preview of this installment of the soap opera of my life
speaking of soap, it doesn't go well with fresh pasta.
lifes taken a slightly unusual turn of late.. what i did was, i started eating 5 portions a day.. it's had 2 effects on me... it's increased my emotions a little... you know.. like how normal people feel, they feel happy and sad.. rather than just that constant humm of slight malcontentment that has been my soundtrack since i was.. well.. 12... i've found myself sat around feeling 'chirpy' at moments.. and 'upset' at others.. i quite like this apart from the fact that the fruit hasn't yet woken my brain up.. and when you feel 'chirpy' but without anything of worth running through your mind.. you feel.. to put it bluntly.. like a simpleton.. which is a most disconcerting feeling for a person who really has never had much going for them beyond their mind
the new diet has also increased my energy.. but not my motivation... which means i want to be doing something at all times... but i don't really want to 'try' at anything.. which of course leads to frustration and feelings of pointlessness..
on which note i've been giving serious thought to going back into education.. hell.. i live like a student anyway... not to get any more qualifications.. i've already 'earned' two sets of letters after my name, and in combination they contribute about as much to my life as a jam sandwich on moldy bread, i see no point in furthering this trend... but more to be given something new to think about... i reckon i want to be one of the self-important tits who sat around in pubs using words like 'subversion' and 'dichotomy' as if i've just invented punk.. maybe.. or maybe i just wanna do more maths... mmmm, maths
i think i've discovered my perfect career too.. i wanna be the guy who travels the country analysing traffic lights and re-programming them to be more efficient.. it's prefect, it's traveling, it's maths, it's working with computers.. and it will genuinely improve the lives of thousands of people.
if someone could get me an application form that would be swell
i didn't close the brackets up there.. how much did that piss you off?
Friday, 30 March 2007
Sunday, 11 March 2007
One Cycle of the Moon
it's been a month since i last blogged, which first goes to highlight the ridiculousness of half of what i said in january, secondly echoes what i said in february about being too brain broken for conversation, but thirdy suggests that i might have actually done something worthwhile with the last month
ok, we can all stop laughing now. of course the majority of this month away as been spent sleeping, drinking, staring at various flashing lights, pretending to work, falling at a number of hurdles and all the usual things that would force anybody watching the film of my life (directed by john waters) to vent their building frustration by screaming at the screen such this as 'for christs sake you bloody waster!', 'oh dear lord how pathetic!' and of course the old classic 'how dare you!'
though some stuff has happened, that band thing has entered some kind of whirl or record labels, downloads, music television film crews and days in the heart of radio1, which brings a sense of accomplishment and with it a day (perhaps the only day) that i can describe, without reserve, as a 'good day'. and we don't get so many of them. of course all this just creates a new land of pressure, expectation and if we're not careful, panic, but for now it's good to pretend that isn't there and try in vein to be grateful for a new area of my life where i'm being given experiences i could never have reasonably expected to have
so.. and you won't hear me say this often... life is..well.. 'good'.... for now. it goes without saying that i'm not walking round smiling and being friendly and singing about sunshine and shit, and that i am infact still sleeping as long as possible each day and then spending most my energy trying to keep my inner chemical balance above the prozac line, as it was written, as it shall be and all that.. but when the obligatory 'bigger picture' is looked at we have to plot the graph of circumstance on the sunny side of conventional judgement
the only other thing worth talking about is that old 'social interaction' thing that screenwriters are always raping to earn a living. the art of sitting in roper hall passing judgement on a room full of strangers and not talking to anyone as been rediscovered and slightly refined, which is perhaps not the news to be most proud of, but it's a step away from the internet, which is nice. more positively the hobby of talking to people beyond the safety of pre-registered and approved perspective and opinion has reintroduced the daily questioning of the self and re-examination of the important choices that is frankly the most important part of being human in the 21st century... y'know.. the constant and unending critique of every part of your being leading to a spiral of self doubt, helplessness and frustration... it's what makes the world go round.
On a serious note, complacency is to death what cleanliness is to godliness.. so a big thanks to eveyone that's made me feel a little like crap this month.
those are enough words
keep smiling
x
ok, we can all stop laughing now. of course the majority of this month away as been spent sleeping, drinking, staring at various flashing lights, pretending to work, falling at a number of hurdles and all the usual things that would force anybody watching the film of my life (directed by john waters) to vent their building frustration by screaming at the screen such this as 'for christs sake you bloody waster!', 'oh dear lord how pathetic!' and of course the old classic 'how dare you!'
though some stuff has happened, that band thing has entered some kind of whirl or record labels, downloads, music television film crews and days in the heart of radio1, which brings a sense of accomplishment and with it a day (perhaps the only day) that i can describe, without reserve, as a 'good day'. and we don't get so many of them. of course all this just creates a new land of pressure, expectation and if we're not careful, panic, but for now it's good to pretend that isn't there and try in vein to be grateful for a new area of my life where i'm being given experiences i could never have reasonably expected to have
so.. and you won't hear me say this often... life is..well.. 'good'.... for now. it goes without saying that i'm not walking round smiling and being friendly and singing about sunshine and shit, and that i am infact still sleeping as long as possible each day and then spending most my energy trying to keep my inner chemical balance above the prozac line, as it was written, as it shall be and all that.. but when the obligatory 'bigger picture' is looked at we have to plot the graph of circumstance on the sunny side of conventional judgement
the only other thing worth talking about is that old 'social interaction' thing that screenwriters are always raping to earn a living. the art of sitting in roper hall passing judgement on a room full of strangers and not talking to anyone as been rediscovered and slightly refined, which is perhaps not the news to be most proud of, but it's a step away from the internet, which is nice. more positively the hobby of talking to people beyond the safety of pre-registered and approved perspective and opinion has reintroduced the daily questioning of the self and re-examination of the important choices that is frankly the most important part of being human in the 21st century... y'know.. the constant and unending critique of every part of your being leading to a spiral of self doubt, helplessness and frustration... it's what makes the world go round.
On a serious note, complacency is to death what cleanliness is to godliness.. so a big thanks to eveyone that's made me feel a little like crap this month.
those are enough words
keep smiling
x
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