One Cycle of the Moon

it's been a month since i last blogged, which first goes to highlight the ridiculousness of half of what i said in january, secondly echoes what i said in february about being too brain broken for conversation, but thirdy suggests that i might have actually done something worthwhile with the last month

ok, we can all stop laughing now. of course the majority of this month away as been spent sleeping, drinking, staring at various flashing lights, pretending to work, falling at a number of hurdles and all the usual things that would force anybody watching the film of my life (directed by john waters) to vent their building frustration by screaming at the screen such this as 'for christs sake you bloody waster!', 'oh dear lord how pathetic!' and of course the old classic 'how dare you!'

though some stuff has happened, that band thing has entered some kind of whirl or record labels, downloads, music television film crews and days in the heart of radio1, which brings a sense of accomplishment and with it a day (perhaps the only day) that i can describe, without reserve, as a 'good day'. and we don't get so many of them. of course all this just creates a new land of pressure, expectation and if we're not careful, panic, but for now it's good to pretend that isn't there and try in vein to be grateful for a new area of my life where i'm being given experiences i could never have reasonably expected to have

so.. and you won't hear me say this often... life is..well.. 'good'.... for now. it goes without saying that i'm not walking round smiling and being friendly and singing about sunshine and shit, and that i am infact still sleeping as long as possible each day and then spending most my energy trying to keep my inner chemical balance above the prozac line, as it was written, as it shall be and all that.. but when the obligatory 'bigger picture' is looked at we have to plot the graph of circumstance on the sunny side of conventional judgement

the only other thing worth talking about is that old 'social interaction' thing that screenwriters are always raping to earn a living. the art of sitting in roper hall passing judgement on a room full of strangers and not talking to anyone as been rediscovered and slightly refined, which is perhaps not the news to be most proud of, but it's a step away from the internet, which is nice. more positively the hobby of talking to people beyond the safety of pre-registered and approved perspective and opinion has reintroduced the daily questioning of the self and re-examination of the important choices that is frankly the most important part of being human in the 21st century... y'know.. the constant and unending critique of every part of your being leading to a spiral of self doubt, helplessness and frustration... it's what makes the world go round.

On a serious note, complacency is to death what cleanliness is to godliness.. so a big thanks to eveyone that's made me feel a little like crap this month.

those are enough words

keep smiling

x