All in one

Dear Sir,

The above vehicle, registered in your name, was recently observed on the 20th January 2008 @ 08.20hrs with glove box wide open / sat nav also on display therefore rendering the vehicle vulnerable.

yours faithfully, The Police

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translated

Dr Mr Idiot,

If you’re gonna leave your sat nav on display inside your car on one of the crappiest streets in Preston don’t come crying to us when it gets nicked. We have better things to do that wipe your arse for you.

yours after they made me trog round on Dimwit Patrol first thing on a Sunday morning, Your Friendly Local Bobby

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Now, i’m all for preventative policing, even if it is sponsored by Halfords (they offer details of the store and a couple of security product suggestions within the letter), and I can’t fault the police at all for taking the initiative and trying to save them, and me, time, money and inconvenience in this way, it is, on a very practical level, the right thing to do.

But I am left uncomfortable by how this action highlights the further shifting of the responsibility for crime away from the purpetrator and onto the victim. We’ve already had the right to make mistakes or to have accidents taken away from us by no win no fee blame and cash in culture but now we’re being encouraged to do away with our right to trust. I’d rather have my stuff nicked a hundred times and continue to act in a way that suggests i trust the people I live amongst than to assume everyone the enemy and live permanently on guard.

Don’t get me wrong, i’m not some ridiculous hippy that believes everyone is full of warming goodness and should be treated as a brother and welcomed into our homes for cookies and milk. I believe firmly in having spaces and possessions that are exclusively ours and i’m fully aware that the human being is a despicable thing capable of the most remorseless horror. And I know that if i do not take precautions against being bitten on the arse, i will at some point be bitten on the arse.

But i fear if you erode our ability to trust too far then there is no way back.

I was going to write about the party I went to last night before i got that letter. I may do later, it was a strange experience for me, the buffet included radishes, there was some kind of cheese sauce on the celery and 5 different kinds of cheese on offer to be consumed with biscuits and wine. There was also an amusing incident with a muffin, and i was introduced to the concept of ‘toe cleavage’. A good time was had, unexpected laughter was brought to the floor and time actually did what they say it does when you’re having fun and ‘flew’. However there was also unpoliced karaoke in a contained space which i think we can all agree is a much greater threat to our lives than having our sat nav swiped.