Lisa Thomas

The first girl I ever thought I was in love with was Lisa Thomas. I wasn't of course, I was 8. She was dark haired and pale, sweet but smart, and had just slightly too rabbity front teeth. I don't remember what I thought I was supposed to do about this, but I remember being told off for not paying attention to whatever edu-TV it was the teacher had taped from late night BBC2 because I found her distinctly more compelling to look at. It was OK back then, I was still vaguely bright, they didn't need to spell the word four times and make a song out of it, it said HORSE, there was a picture of a horse next to it and they'd been talking about horses in the introduction to the animation, I'd glance at the screen again when they moved on to sheep, just to check they weren't actually called sheap.

I kissed her; playing Kiss Chase of all things, which was always a slightly uncomfortable game, and I'm willing to guess is definitely banned now, punishable by having your name put on a list and having to sit in a different room at birthday parties, but anyway, I caught her against the wall at the top of the playground, she smiled and didn't turn her head when I lent in to kiss her, then I ran off immediately afterwards with that acidic fuzz in the roof of my stomach that, to this day, I've never fully understood the reason for. A few minutes later we were all playing British Bulldog and my focus turned to not being knocked over, playground surfaces are hard.

An indeterminable amount of time after that, I invited her to my brother's birthday party. Now, up until this point, I can recall no recollection of actually talking to Lisa, having a conversation. Though to be honest, what the hell do 8 year olds talk about? Why would they have any reason to actually converse with each other beyond 'You're it!' or 'Give me the red crayon'? I'm pretty sure on the school field me and my friends would indulge in elaborately constructed interactive Thundercats fantasy worlds without actually saying any full sentences to each other. How many words could I even have known back then? Just horse and sheep I imagine.

I think my best friend liked her too, I think his name was Graham, possibly spelt weird, like Graeme, he had one of those twinkly eyes.

But I invited her to my brother's birthday party, I was only allowed one friend and I chose her rather than a boy, our mums thought it was delightfully sweet, and I think she blushed a bit when I asked her. My brother was 6, there was no way we were going to spend the afternoon with him and his baby friends, so we sat in my bedroom playing top trumps, probably for hours, probably speaking only the words needed to play the actual game, then she went home.

I was invited to her birthday party some time after that, I don't know if that was her doing or her mum's, I've always got on well with mums, it was the only other time either of us went to the other's house. We did dance together at the primary school leavers party though, or I think that's what it was, we were 9 by then, I was wearing a canary yellow jumper, I think it matched her dress, I don't think that was a good thing, I don't think the dance was, mothers may have been meddling, Lisa may have discovered reluctance, I might have developed awkwardness.

There was another Lisa joined our class at middle school. She had shorter blonde hair, confidence, and legs. I had absolutely no idea why this was all so appealing, but I know I had to wrestle with myself over it. I was in love with Lisa Thomas, that's how it worked, this other girl was dangerous to that, it was wrong for me to feel drawn to her. I couldn't stop thinking about her.

It all gets a bit fuzzy after that. It's possible I just started thinking about dinosaurs a lot more, or wondering if there really was a 'beast' roaming the forest at the top of our road. I know for certain I was given a computer, a Spectrum 48K, so I was thinking in Basic quite often. I also know I'd started full on fancying the 13 year old who lived on the corner and owned a Commodore 64 with a brilliant game about working in a fast food restaurant. She was called Janet, or maybe Janine, her best friend was called Vicky and I definitely had conversations with her, about fancying Janet/Janine, she said I had no chance, which I kind of understood.

We must have moved away towards the end of the summer, somewhere between being 10 and 11, because I can find absolutely no final memories about school, or the Lisas, just of sun, and the playing field at the bottom of the road, and promising Vicky & Janet/Janine and probably some kids that were actually our age, that we'd come back and visit. Which of course we never did.

Then again, I think when we were 8-10 years old it was always the summer, except that week it snowed and we watched Dangermouse in the gym while we waited to be picked up from school.