there's been one of those 'girlfriend/boyfriend application forms' going round the bulletins today, y'know the ones that ask the most vacuous questions like height, weight, hair/eye colour, really?! i honestly couldn't tell you with any confidence the hair or eye colour of any girl i've ever been out with.. these things are clearly designed by some girl learning in typical 'just17' fashion how to be a better strumpet by adusting those details that a boy will never notice, blimey, they'll be asking about shoe type next.. why would you ever look at a girls feet? seriously, even if she's 25stone with a face like a mole there's gonna be something more interesting to look at than her feet (actually if she's 25stone chances are she can't see her feet either so shoes would be less of an issue..which is always a bonus).. when a girl walks into a room, you know what i see? shockingly.. a girl.. a collective lump of femininity.. not a miss potato head style ensemble of lips, ears and plucked eyebrows, you obsess over the details, i'll deal with the whole
what was i talking about.. how yeah.. girlfriend applications.. why do the never ask the good questions (incidentally after a quick search the best i found was this effort by brody vercher which at least made me giggle - oh and anyone who fills it in completely wins a lollypop for effort) but yeah, good questions like:
1) ok so you're mental, this is a given.. but how mental? will you make me want to kill us both on a weekly, daily, or hourly basis.
2) have you ever made a decision.. in your life? cos otherwise that's gonna send me fruity
3) have you already decided i'm cheating on you.. or will that come later?
4) does 4mins sound like a reasonable amount of time for sex to last?
5) do you understand why john waters is a genius?
you know.. the important stuff.
it's amazing what internet quizzes can teach us, i discovered the other day i was a buddhist, it wasn't such a huge shock, buddha after all is comedy fat.. and when alls said and done the nobel truths make sense.. 'life is suffering'.. well, of course. 'the cause of suffering is desire'
i'm bored of typing
Monday, 2 October 2006
Friday, 22 September 2006
I got out of the habit of doing these
so yeah.. magnets? just lumps of metal that attract other lumps of metal, made by hitting bits of metal with other bits of metal really hard while the first bit of metal is pointed in a certain direction, and they also point in certain directions.. it just doesn't make sense
and what's the connection between gravity and magnets.. i sit the same thing? i'm not metal but i stick to the ground (which isn't metal), and apples definatley aren't metal
none of it makes sense at all...
you can tell it's been a long week when you come to update your real-time autobiography for the first time in ages and all you can think to talk about is physics
truth is it's been a very functional week, a list of definate tasks which took no real creativity and just a lot of 'being there' followed by sleeping and repeating, the tasks were fulfilled, and at times even enjoyable, and of course one particular night was incredible in many many ways, but no time given to pause and reflect and think of stuff to say that's been said before in a hundred different ways but at least this time it's in your voice
fortunatley i've been saved by the return of the recurring nightmare, the one that happens 5 minutes after you fall asleep and gathers in intensity until you have to force yourself awake for sanities sake and then have too much adreneline pumping to sleep again for an hour which is great when you only had 5 hours to go at in the first place, but y'know, i like horror films
in 24hours from now i'll have 24hours of freedom, i've made plans to spend them doing a close approximation of what i would ideally do with freedom, i really should get a haircut and do some washing instead
that was fun
and what's the connection between gravity and magnets.. i sit the same thing? i'm not metal but i stick to the ground (which isn't metal), and apples definatley aren't metal
none of it makes sense at all...
you can tell it's been a long week when you come to update your real-time autobiography for the first time in ages and all you can think to talk about is physics
truth is it's been a very functional week, a list of definate tasks which took no real creativity and just a lot of 'being there' followed by sleeping and repeating, the tasks were fulfilled, and at times even enjoyable, and of course one particular night was incredible in many many ways, but no time given to pause and reflect and think of stuff to say that's been said before in a hundred different ways but at least this time it's in your voice
fortunatley i've been saved by the return of the recurring nightmare, the one that happens 5 minutes after you fall asleep and gathers in intensity until you have to force yourself awake for sanities sake and then have too much adreneline pumping to sleep again for an hour which is great when you only had 5 hours to go at in the first place, but y'know, i like horror films
in 24hours from now i'll have 24hours of freedom, i've made plans to spend them doing a close approximation of what i would ideally do with freedom, i really should get a haircut and do some washing instead
that was fun
Tuesday, 12 September 2006
Sometimes, just sometimes, the woe is away.
the last 6 days have knocked me for six a bit, 7 days ago i got a real kick in the balls, and i say that not in a judgemental way, from the right perspective everything anyone ever does is the right thing, but from my own point of view it was a definate wound to the nadgers
everyday since then so many people have been so fantastic, i kinda feel guilty for being a bit of a dick most of the time, and tonight.. well... tonight was something really special
so i owe heartfelt thankyou to a lot of people and i intend to dish them out, but just incase my emotionally retarded englishness prevents it being obvious, if you're reading this, i probably owe you thanks.. so thanks
on another note, i've been thinking about magnets alot this week.. magnets are mental aren't they?
x
everyday since then so many people have been so fantastic, i kinda feel guilty for being a bit of a dick most of the time, and tonight.. well... tonight was something really special
so i owe heartfelt thankyou to a lot of people and i intend to dish them out, but just incase my emotionally retarded englishness prevents it being obvious, if you're reading this, i probably owe you thanks.. so thanks
on another note, i've been thinking about magnets alot this week.. magnets are mental aren't they?
x
Saturday, 26 August 2006
It's good to talk
you know those days where the minute you open your eyes and begin to absorb the world you already know you've made a mistake, that mid-range squeeling feeling just above your stomach just seems to be chanting the words 'this, my friend, will not be your greatest day'
it did, in fairness, take a while for this day to confirm its inevitable colours, but it did it in style
i was scared by my own reflection in the wardrobe mirror, i jumped maybe 2 inches
now don't get me wrong, i don't mean scared in a 'oh my god i'm so hideously ugly i'm never leaving the house' (somebody was telling me they had days like that the other day, my semi-dead memory won't let me remember who but it will remind me that my thought in response was along the lines of 'don't be fucking ridiculous, have you ever seen yourself, you'd still look attractive after being beaten about the head by a wallaby for 3 hours, even on your worst days you are exactly 7.643 times more attractive than i am on my best' obviously me being me i didn't say that, i more likely said something like 'yeah.. i can see that' because.. y'know.. that's funnier.
what the hell was a saying, oh yeah, i didn't jump at the reflection due to my cockeyed eyes, bean shaped head and teeth that look like stone henge.. over the years i've developed ways of coping with that, obviously these ways largely feature pointing out the falts in others wrapped up in bitter jokes until they find themselves crying at home but still not being able to hate me because.. y'know.. it was funny.. but that's an aside.. the point is that i wasn't scared like that
no
i decided to check my hair or something in the wardrobe mirror.. so i began to move in front of the wardrobe (believing the door, on which the mirror is places, was closed) turns out the door/mirror/thing was more than slightly ajar and thus my reflection appeared earlier than expected, my brain screamed "who the fuck is that in my room.. eep!" and i jumped. similar to that time the corner of my eye saw a burglar backflip though a 1st floor window at band practice
it was pretty scary
THEN
as i left the flat (oh darling, it's an apartment), the flat, i scurried down the fire escape (it's quicker than the real door) and prompty bashed the crown of my head on the low ceiling which i swear did not exist yesterday. it still hurts.
THEN
to put this into context first, i've been sat at home all day, the weather outside has been beautiful and dry, i only had to go outside once today.. a 15minute walk, drop something off, 15minutes back.. easy as pie.. so, at the exact point at which i am the furthest away from home as i possibly can be, with just the walk back.. the heavens open, the downpour begins.. fantastic!
i had to buy a box of roses and a magazine featuring imogen in her underwear to cheer me up.. it goes without saying that it turns out that imogen, like 90% of girls, looks better with clothes on... another dream destroyed
so now i refuse to move from this sofa without a helmet and full length waterproof jacket till another dawn has passed
people traditionally define life as a series of first.. first kiss, first sex, first love, first paycheck, first heart attack.. that kind of stuff, but really these moments mean very little in the great scheme of things.. there are other moments.. real epiphany moments that define who we are and the path we take for the rest of our lives
you following? mm, maybe a couple of examples
i'm in an adventure playground, with roundabouts, and rope slides, and monkey bars and i dunno, all kids of junk that kids love (and we still would now if they let us on) and i'm climbing the ladder to the rope slide... the minute my hands touch the handlebar things i start thinking about how cool it would be to be on the monkey bars and how i can't wait to do that next BANG.. life isn't about enjoying moments, it's about ignoring moments while you think about whats next... what a shitter.
another one.. mm.. that moment when you first realise that the way you think you look and sound, that image in your head that is more likely based on some tv or film character than any kind of evidence from reality, is not what other people see or hear when they look at you.. that's a bit of a kick in the fruity bits
and the other obvious one.. the moment you realise your parents, just like everyone else, have faults.. and on occasions, are dicks. y'know, the same way everyone is a dick sometimes (most times), the people you trusted as shining examples of perfect human beings are fundamentally flawed, which of course means that you are too
there will be more, and they will come to me and keep me awake at night
ah yes.. like the moment natalie something or other in ibiza sent everyone away but asked me to stick around in a little alcove and i got shy and ranaway.. it was months later it dawned on me that that was supposed to be my first kiss.. and she was really hot too. arse biscuits
no, that's probably just a regret.. who knows
woah! weird science is on!!
p.s. do you think the girl from granthams will marry me if i ask real nice and don't fart when i'm in the shop anymore?
it did, in fairness, take a while for this day to confirm its inevitable colours, but it did it in style
i was scared by my own reflection in the wardrobe mirror, i jumped maybe 2 inches
now don't get me wrong, i don't mean scared in a 'oh my god i'm so hideously ugly i'm never leaving the house' (somebody was telling me they had days like that the other day, my semi-dead memory won't let me remember who but it will remind me that my thought in response was along the lines of 'don't be fucking ridiculous, have you ever seen yourself, you'd still look attractive after being beaten about the head by a wallaby for 3 hours, even on your worst days you are exactly 7.643 times more attractive than i am on my best' obviously me being me i didn't say that, i more likely said something like 'yeah.. i can see that' because.. y'know.. that's funnier.
what the hell was a saying, oh yeah, i didn't jump at the reflection due to my cockeyed eyes, bean shaped head and teeth that look like stone henge.. over the years i've developed ways of coping with that, obviously these ways largely feature pointing out the falts in others wrapped up in bitter jokes until they find themselves crying at home but still not being able to hate me because.. y'know.. it was funny.. but that's an aside.. the point is that i wasn't scared like that
no
i decided to check my hair or something in the wardrobe mirror.. so i began to move in front of the wardrobe (believing the door, on which the mirror is places, was closed) turns out the door/mirror/thing was more than slightly ajar and thus my reflection appeared earlier than expected, my brain screamed "who the fuck is that in my room.. eep!" and i jumped. similar to that time the corner of my eye saw a burglar backflip though a 1st floor window at band practice
it was pretty scary
THEN
as i left the flat (oh darling, it's an apartment), the flat, i scurried down the fire escape (it's quicker than the real door) and prompty bashed the crown of my head on the low ceiling which i swear did not exist yesterday. it still hurts.
THEN
to put this into context first, i've been sat at home all day, the weather outside has been beautiful and dry, i only had to go outside once today.. a 15minute walk, drop something off, 15minutes back.. easy as pie.. so, at the exact point at which i am the furthest away from home as i possibly can be, with just the walk back.. the heavens open, the downpour begins.. fantastic!
i had to buy a box of roses and a magazine featuring imogen in her underwear to cheer me up.. it goes without saying that it turns out that imogen, like 90% of girls, looks better with clothes on... another dream destroyed
so now i refuse to move from this sofa without a helmet and full length waterproof jacket till another dawn has passed
people traditionally define life as a series of first.. first kiss, first sex, first love, first paycheck, first heart attack.. that kind of stuff, but really these moments mean very little in the great scheme of things.. there are other moments.. real epiphany moments that define who we are and the path we take for the rest of our lives
you following? mm, maybe a couple of examples
i'm in an adventure playground, with roundabouts, and rope slides, and monkey bars and i dunno, all kids of junk that kids love (and we still would now if they let us on) and i'm climbing the ladder to the rope slide... the minute my hands touch the handlebar things i start thinking about how cool it would be to be on the monkey bars and how i can't wait to do that next BANG.. life isn't about enjoying moments, it's about ignoring moments while you think about whats next... what a shitter.
another one.. mm.. that moment when you first realise that the way you think you look and sound, that image in your head that is more likely based on some tv or film character than any kind of evidence from reality, is not what other people see or hear when they look at you.. that's a bit of a kick in the fruity bits
and the other obvious one.. the moment you realise your parents, just like everyone else, have faults.. and on occasions, are dicks. y'know, the same way everyone is a dick sometimes (most times), the people you trusted as shining examples of perfect human beings are fundamentally flawed, which of course means that you are too
there will be more, and they will come to me and keep me awake at night
ah yes.. like the moment natalie something or other in ibiza sent everyone away but asked me to stick around in a little alcove and i got shy and ranaway.. it was months later it dawned on me that that was supposed to be my first kiss.. and she was really hot too. arse biscuits
no, that's probably just a regret.. who knows
woah! weird science is on!!
p.s. do you think the girl from granthams will marry me if i ask real nice and don't fart when i'm in the shop anymore?
Wednesday, 23 August 2006
If I hadn't seen such riches I could live with being poor
"Terminate torment Of love unsatisfied The greater torment Of love satisfied" that nice mr elliot
we're all spoiled, the more we get the more we want, the grass is always greener and the first fix is free, familiarity breeds contempt and routine leads to boredom
we're left with 2 choices as far as i can see it..
quickly carve yourself a happy little rut framed by the received tokens of success, the career, the lover, the appearance of popularity... then spend the rest of your days driving yourself completely insane with the fear that these things will be taken away from you, trying too hard to control what you can't control and inevitably driving wedges in the cracks (that would have appeared and grown all by themselves anyway, so don't add guilt to your problems) and either watching it all shatter before you once you're too old to start again or wear yourself into a shell and spend 30 years going through the motions
or spend every day running away anything that even indicates a rut forming, only half appreciating everything you have because your eyes are set on the horizon wondering what else is out there, pushing away anything or anyone that is close enough to restrict your options and opportunities, wasting every second looking for a perfection that doesn't exist only realising you have nothing when it's too late to start finding something and the options have all but disappeared
obviously we're all smart people, we all realise the eventual fruitlessness of both options, we don't just blunder into it, it's a conscious choice.. whaat choice have you made? and why? you weighed up the pros and cons and came out with a path.. what tipped the balance?
of course this is the 21st century so we don't have to think about these things.. we have 24hour tv, food that can be delivered to our doorstep and access to limitless free porn
choose life, choose sitting around in your pants getting fat and having a good ol' scratch
i love each and everyone one of your failings
we're all spoiled, the more we get the more we want, the grass is always greener and the first fix is free, familiarity breeds contempt and routine leads to boredom
we're left with 2 choices as far as i can see it..
quickly carve yourself a happy little rut framed by the received tokens of success, the career, the lover, the appearance of popularity... then spend the rest of your days driving yourself completely insane with the fear that these things will be taken away from you, trying too hard to control what you can't control and inevitably driving wedges in the cracks (that would have appeared and grown all by themselves anyway, so don't add guilt to your problems) and either watching it all shatter before you once you're too old to start again or wear yourself into a shell and spend 30 years going through the motions
or spend every day running away anything that even indicates a rut forming, only half appreciating everything you have because your eyes are set on the horizon wondering what else is out there, pushing away anything or anyone that is close enough to restrict your options and opportunities, wasting every second looking for a perfection that doesn't exist only realising you have nothing when it's too late to start finding something and the options have all but disappeared
obviously we're all smart people, we all realise the eventual fruitlessness of both options, we don't just blunder into it, it's a conscious choice.. whaat choice have you made? and why? you weighed up the pros and cons and came out with a path.. what tipped the balance?
of course this is the 21st century so we don't have to think about these things.. we have 24hour tv, food that can be delivered to our doorstep and access to limitless free porn
choose life, choose sitting around in your pants getting fat and having a good ol' scratch
i love each and everyone one of your failings
Friday, 18 August 2006
The other life
it's been 8 days of pretending to be in a band as a lifestyle option, it's not glamourous, it's drive, unload, gig, load, drive, sleep, repeat, it's cabin fever, it's sweat, it's discomfort, it's waiting around, walking around, sitting around, being around, considering the needs of other people (i won't say feelings, because, well.. it's me) without ignoring your own desires to the point where you're just going through the motions because that's no use to anybody, it's allowing for the different lifestyles and experiences of others, it's making things run smoothly while still keeping them fun and relaxed, it's getting it wrong, it's tears, it's angry moments, it's harsh words and confrontations, it's waking up in one city and going to sleep in another and never seeing anything other than roads, the insides of venues and darkened rooms full of sleeping bags, it's putting trust in strangers, it's putting faith in yourselves, it's putting your hopes in the hands of crowds, it's finding that fine line, it's being surprised, it's being disappointed, it's being frustrated, it's being elated, it's talking about the future, it's not thinking about the future, it's driving through unfamiliar territory. lost, confused and under pressure, it's losing things you need, it's keeping focused, it's looking for distractions
it's the best way yet that i've found to live life on a day to day basis and i wouldn't swap it for the world, it's missing nothing, having only to think about the task at hand and snatching the fun wherever it presents itself, obviously anything that involves living with other people 24hours a day is a challange, that's why 90 percent of marriages end in divorce (that and of course the fact that love doesn't exist and that people only get married because it's one of criteria which society/history has set for a succesful life, and because they are so utterly afraid of being alone.. but that goes without saying), but.. what was my point? i dunno, i'm sure it was pretty woe though, yeah.. erm.. everythings wow.. that sounds like me
wait
oh yeah, i'm enjoying myself
don't tell anyone
i like the fact that those tiny tight shorts are back in fashion
x
it's the best way yet that i've found to live life on a day to day basis and i wouldn't swap it for the world, it's missing nothing, having only to think about the task at hand and snatching the fun wherever it presents itself, obviously anything that involves living with other people 24hours a day is a challange, that's why 90 percent of marriages end in divorce (that and of course the fact that love doesn't exist and that people only get married because it's one of criteria which society/history has set for a succesful life, and because they are so utterly afraid of being alone.. but that goes without saying), but.. what was my point? i dunno, i'm sure it was pretty woe though, yeah.. erm.. everythings wow.. that sounds like me
wait
oh yeah, i'm enjoying myself
don't tell anyone
i like the fact that those tiny tight shorts are back in fashion
x
Friday, 4 August 2006
The blog returns, this time is a rehearsal
there is something very wrong with you, and i think you know what it is, it's ok, you'd be boring without it
there's something incredibly stupid about waking up at 2pm when you have a 'to do list' longer than schindler's, but when your new years resolution is not to get out of bed until you are (a) sober and (b) not feeling miserable, it really isn't your fault.. my friend miss buzz buzz returned too, and i felt bad about getting dressed before she was sated.
i bought the trilogy of Final Destination last week, i've attempted now to watch the 1st and 2nd films several times when drunk, i'm not sure if falling asleep each night witnessing gruesome deaths of teenagers on a large projected screen is healthy for my..well.. brain, or is it soul... no can't be, i sold that for coca cola years ago.
everyone seems a little happier recently, well.. clearly there all going home and crying into their pillows screaming "WHY! WHY DOES NOBODY LOVE ME! WHY AM I SUCH A FREAK! WHY CAN'T I JUST DIE" but, you know, they're making more of an effort to hide it in public, so i don't have to deal with it, which is really all that matters. so, yay for people becoming hardened shells!
anyways, this blog wasn't on above mentioned 'to do list' so i should probably stop, i always feel the need to pretend i care about you by asking some form of question.. so erm...
what exactly is it that is so very wrong with you?
there's something incredibly stupid about waking up at 2pm when you have a 'to do list' longer than schindler's, but when your new years resolution is not to get out of bed until you are (a) sober and (b) not feeling miserable, it really isn't your fault.. my friend miss buzz buzz returned too, and i felt bad about getting dressed before she was sated.
i bought the trilogy of Final Destination last week, i've attempted now to watch the 1st and 2nd films several times when drunk, i'm not sure if falling asleep each night witnessing gruesome deaths of teenagers on a large projected screen is healthy for my..well.. brain, or is it soul... no can't be, i sold that for coca cola years ago.
everyone seems a little happier recently, well.. clearly there all going home and crying into their pillows screaming "WHY! WHY DOES NOBODY LOVE ME! WHY AM I SUCH A FREAK! WHY CAN'T I JUST DIE" but, you know, they're making more of an effort to hide it in public, so i don't have to deal with it, which is really all that matters. so, yay for people becoming hardened shells!
anyways, this blog wasn't on above mentioned 'to do list' so i should probably stop, i always feel the need to pretend i care about you by asking some form of question.. so erm...
what exactly is it that is so very wrong with you?
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