I do not live in spain, or italy, or Greece, or even bloody france. Every day of my life I make the subconscious decision not to get off my lazy fat arse and move away from this miserable little country, and the main reason for this? Temperature thats the deal with England, we agree to smile as we put up with the world owes me attitude of the cant do set, we agree to pay over the odds for taxis on the 300 days a year that it rains, and we agree to live a lifestyle so ridiculously regimented by opening times, traditional routines and licensing hours that we practically have no freedom of movement to relax at all, we agree to watch each new generation become more and more Prime Time American and to only express our dissatisfaction with this in mumbled words and dry humour.. and we agree to all on the condition we dont have to spend 3 months of every year oppressed unbreatheable air in stifling heat causing us to floor our marks & spencers undies with salty beads of perspiration until we all have nappy rash (most undignified in a 20something).
So why are we being cheated in this deal, why am I now 3 days into a sleepless, breathless existence of pure torture, why have I found myself having to take cold showers in the middle of the day just for some relief.
And what makes it worse? In this blame culture of ours.. we still cant sue nature!
Biology and chemistry can fuck off too.
I dont mind waking up feeling bad when Ive been a prick, consumed more poisoness drinks than I should have and send inappropriate texts to inappropriate girls. But when I do the sensible moderation thing, and look but dont touch, and certainly dont say anything digitally, I feel its unfair that I should awake feeling like death, and steadily feel worse as the day passes. This is what ruins lives.
As does choice.
Bastard choice.
If I could walk into a shop named the curtain shop and say.. I need a rail and curtains to fit a gap THIS SIZE, and the curtain shop man said, here you go.. your standard issue curtains. Right now Id be a happy man with working curtains up. But NO. Some hippy fuck decided to introduce variety and personal choice. So now after two trips to some shop with the word mill in its name, Im 25 quid down, with two useless pairs of curtains and a rail simply hanging naked.. unused! And the knowledge Ill be woken at 4.30am as the ridiculous mediteranian sun come streaming through my unclothed windows.
This would never have happened if it wasnt for those hippy shits.. bring back the noose!
I need a drink. Roper after practice?
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