your poor people nearly didn't get a blog today as i fell quicker than expected into the divine surrender of unconciousness
but i am back to this cursed reality again for a shortwhile so it's treats galore
you know those times in life where your whole being.. time, meaning, existance.. is consumed by one single event.. well today was one of those days
it was an event that proves beyond all doubt that god is dead, and that his ghost still hates me, an event that proves everything i ever believed about the endlessley cruel and futile nature of this life which forces us to wake each dawn and trudge through the impossible pain of each day just to die alone each night.
sometimes i wonder why i can't find the courage to bring the walls crashing down about me, to make the nightly oblivion into a more constant entity, to trade in this infinate dull pain for something instant and unforgetable and then real emptiness
i mean, i had that cup of tea in my hands.. and had to leave before it was cool enough to drink!
man, life sucks.
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