Let's go fishing my lad.

i didn't do a blog yesterday, because it turns out i have a life [read, slept till 3, ate, went out, drank - NEVER BLOG AFTER DRINKING, THE GUSHING HONESTY WILL DESTROY US ALL - and now it's sunday] - i hope nobody cried too much, i understand what it's like to have one of the few constants in life ripped out from under you [5 days is a constant, hell i've had shorter relationships]

i was about to say i honestly can't complain about any aspect of the last 48 hours.. but then i woke up, remembered who i am and what life is and laughed at myself for forgetting that even the happiest of memories will always we be tainted in someway.. and this of course is true of the vaguely pleasant memories also

so let's start with said tainting.. 4am, bed, headed for the bliss of dreamtown, and the music starts, loud, bad music, and suddenly the realisation that i do live in a block of flats has never been more real.. but it's ok i think.. it's friday night, i'm a tolerant kind of guy.. i'll use it as an excuse to do some reading.. 5am i'm getting a bit cheesed off, but i'm english, and i can hear the other people in the flats shouting towards the noise.. so actually getting out of bed is still unlikely. 6am the moment of truth has come, i re-pant and depart to the source of the noise.. i will be manly, i will be firm.. i will make this problem go away.. turns out the source of this noise is about 7ft tall and weighing in at well over 20stone, with a fresh scar on his forehead... in a moment of absolute pride howver i manage to contain my hair-trigger bowels and make the reasonable request for less volume.. the nice megaman explains he's sorry, he thought his flat was sound-proofed and he was having a party because "i was in town today and i was stabbed, so i had to put the guy in hospital, my friends have come to cheer me up... oh, by the way.. what number do you live at?"

what doesn't kill you makes you stronger

beyond that it's been a better than average weekend, an unexpected turn on friday that led me to having actual face to face conversations for.. get this.. hours.. [so proud].. i've been told i even smiled at one point, but i have no evidence to prove this and neither do you.. so i will deny it to my grave.. smiling, of course, being a sign of weakness and Rubbish Brain Syndrome. the saturday placed me with 'friends' in another city, in new bars, having conversations i have not previously had, at least in a while... entertainment.. novelty be thy name.. even better.. i managed to stop drinking at the right time, not do, say or send anything that made me a prick.. and wake up hangover free.. it's like a whole new world...

righto, the only place to go now in this blog is an honest and emotional exploration of who i am as a person at this time in my life, what my desires are and where do i go from here

so i'll stop writing.

have a great sunday.

x